


Life & Death

by orphan_account



Series: The Ampersand Series [3]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:14:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2448257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl was after her to rest more; would gently push her onto the couch, refused to let her hunt or haul or dig. Time ate Beth up -- every little bit of her brain -- any piece of it that she used to be able to quiet with movement or exhaustion. All she had were dragging days, the long hours crawling past as she waited -- bracing herself for the worst. Always the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Vida y Muerte](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2570408) by [Ekhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekhi/pseuds/Ekhi)



> Okay. Here we go again. Switching back to Beth's POV for this section of the series. But don't worry, you haven't heard the last of the inside of Daryl's head yet!

The mirror showed Beth's reflection back to her like it didn't give a crap about being careful of her feelings. The bags under her eyes were so dark they looked like bruises. She tried to sleep but the nightmares kept coming back -- kept changing -- not giving her a chance to get used to them. _Tommy -- Jared's laugh -- the crack of bone against her body -- a baby with Mark's eyes, whose tiny fingers were covered in blood._ She'd wake up gasping. 

Daryl was after her to rest more; would gently push her onto the couch, refused to let her hunt or haul or dig. Time ate Beth up -- every little bit of her brain -- any piece of it that she used to be able to quiet with movement or exhaustion. All she had were dragging days, the long hours crawling past as she waited -- bracing herself for the worst. Always the worst. 

"Y'sure I can't help?" Beth asked him. 

"I'm just goin' to check the traps, girl," Daryl said, hanging out in the doorway. "I'll be back in five minutes. Ain't even worth gettin' up for, believe me." 

"Then you sit down and I'll do it!" Beth groused, standing up. 

"Beth," Daryl said, his voice holding a warning she had heard a lot lately. "Y'gotta take it easy. I know dick-all about babies or pregnant ladies, but it's still enough to know that you don't send them out to check rabbit traps in the middle of the damn apocalypse." 

"Yeah?" Beth asked. "Y'read that in a handbook somewhere? 'Cause I'm pretty sure there's a lack of literature on our situation." 

"Sit," he deadpanned. 

"I'm not a dog, Daryl Dixon!" 

"Stay!" 

Beth grabbed a pillow off the couch to toss at him as he backed out of the house, leaving her alone. With her thoughts. Again. Beth rested a hand on her stomach, looking down at the lack of bump with an unreadable expression. _What's going to happen to us?_ Beth wondered. 

She curled up on the couch, not wanting Daryl to come back in a huff, and closed her eyes. _Just for a second_ , she told herself. But the seconds stretched into minutes, and before she knew it her bones were heavy with sleep.

_"You can't do that to her!" Beth shouted._

_The boy turned around. He was 16, maybe 17. Beth tried to run past him, but he caught her arm, his grip bruising her skin. She looked up at him -- at those eyes -- those terrible, dark eyes. He was evil. He was hers._

_"Shut up, mother!" he hissed. "You're gonna scare our pet."_

_"I told you to let her go," Beth demanded. "Just let her go!"_

_"You know I cant do that," he said with a sick grin, "I'm having too much fun."_

_"You're just like him!" Beth screamed. "You're just like him!"_

_"Do you want to see her?" he asked, ignoring her outburst. "Go up to the door, mother. Go on."_

_Her son gave her a hard shove. Beth fell hard on her knees and scrambled to get up. She told herself she would just get to the door, and get the girl out. That's all that mattered. Saving the girl. She'd just go and get the girl out, no matter the cost._

_Beth opened the door only to see herself, as she was then, naked and shivering and terrified. Her one eye swollen shut; blood matted to her hair. Beth walked forward, stepping slowly, until she was facing herself._

_"You're a monster," her younger self said, "and your son is a monster. You're both... you're monsters. You could've stopped it! You should've stopped it!"_

_"I didn't... I didn't know," Beth pleaded, "how could I have known?"_

_"You know it's Mark's," her younger self said, "he was the only who ever... you knew. You knew the baby would come out like him. You could feel it."_

_"No," Beth protested._

_"Yes!" the girl shouted. "He's just like his father. You can't change that! You can't just shove this baby onto Daryl and keep playing pretend. I mean, look at him!"_

_Beth spun around to look at her son. He was standing in front of a glass window. On his back was a crossbow, and there was something clenched in his hand that Beth struggled to make out -- it was Daryl's vest -- and it was covered in blood._

_Beth screamed._

"Stop it, Beth," Daryl said, gently shaking her awake, "it's just a dream. Wake up." 

"Daryl?" Beth croaked, looking up at him.

"Yeah, it's just me, girl," Daryl said. "I heard you screamin'." 

"I'm sorry," Beth said, sitting up.

"You wanna tell me what that was about?" Daryl asked, sitting next to her. 

"You... uh, y'aren't worried? About the baby, I mean. About it comin' out... bad," Beth said, lowering her eyes, feeling ashamed of herself for even asking. 

"No," Daryl said easily. She felt his finger under her chin, lifting her face so he could look into her eyes. "Hey, no. It's you and me, Beth. What could be bad about that?" 

"Daryl," Beth said tiredly, "I'm being serious. You know this baby isn't yours. You know it's --" 

"I don't know that, Beth," he said, tucking a stand of sweat-damp hair behind her ear, "and I never will. You asked me to be the father, so I'm the father. I ain't pretending, or tryin' to make you feel better. I will love this baby so hard it will have my blood, and science will just have to be damned."

Beth nodded, saying nothing, leaning against Daryl's arm. She tried to take comfort in his words, but even with her eyes open, Beth could still see his vest soaked in blood being held by a hand that looked far too familiar.


	2. Chapter 2

"Daryl?" Beth called softly, creeping down the stairs. 

She had been laying awake in bed, unable to sleep. Her stomach was full and settled, but her mind wouldn't shut off. Beth rounded the corner to the couch, where he was just sitting up, looking for her. Beth forced a small smile, trying assure him everything was alright. 

"Why ain't ya sleepin'?" Daryl asked her. 

"You know," Beth said, sitting down next to him, "-- same old, same old." 

Daryl grunted in response. 

"It's not like I don't want to sleep," Beth said. "I mean, my body is dropping in and out of situations enough for you t'know that. But when I'm up there, just listening to my own thoughts..." 

"Alright, girl," Daryl said, standing up and offering her his hand. "C'mon."

"What?" 

"I'll go up with ya," Daryl said easily. "This place is lousy with books. I'll read ya something." 

"I guess that'd be alright," Beth said, trying not to let relief sneak into her voice. The knot of dread in her stomach started to unfurl. "What are you gonna read?" 

"I've been readin' this one," Daryl said, stopping in front of the bookshelf to grab a worn copy of Fahrenheit 451. "But y'can pick whatever, girl." 

"No, that's fine," Beth said. 

Daryl pocketed the book and they climbed up the stairs in comfortable silence. Beth opened the door to the bedroom, stepping in and letting Daryl follow her. For a second, she glanced out the window, but only saw their reflections off the glass; the candlelight threw shadows. 

"Which side?" Beth asked. 

"Huh?" 

"Of the bed. Which side of the bed do you want?" Beth clarified. 

"Oh, I was just gonna sit on that chair," he said, hooking a thumb to the rocker in the corner.   
"You might as well just stay," Beth said, trying not to worry about the physical contact, "I mean, we've... y'know, kissed and all. It's silly to act shy now, right?" 

"... right," Daryl said slowly. "But if you ain't comfortable with me..." 

"Just pick a side, Daryl Dixon, or I'll make you sit in that rickety ol' rocker, and you'll wish you'd said nothin'." 

"Uh, left then, I guess," Daryl muttered, sitting down on the bed. 

"Closer to the door," Beth commented. "Thinkin' about making a speedy exit once I'm asleep?" 

"Shut it, or I'll make you sit in the chair," he muttered. 

"No you wouldn't." 

"Y'want me to read or not?" he asked, stretching out with his back against the headboard. 

Beth nodded and laid down next to Daryl. She turned onto her side so she could see him. Tucking her hand under the pillow, she watched as he tried to get comfortable, and then opened the book. He read for a while, but it took Beth a few minutes to tune into what he was saying, instead of just staring. 

_"...He glanced back at the wall. How like a mirror, too, her face. Impossible; for how many people did you know that refracted your own light to you? People were more often -- he searched for a simile, found one in his work-torches, blazing away until they whiffed out. How rarely did other people's faces take of you and throw back to you your own expression, your own innermost trembling thought?"_

"Daryl?" Beth interrupted. 

"Yeah?" he said, looking over to her. 

"Thank you." 

"For what?" he asked, sounding confused. 

"Just thanks," she said in a small, warm voice. "Will you keep reading 'til I'm asleep?" 

"Uh-huh," he responded. 

"Okay, keep going," she said through a yawn. 

_"What incredible power of identification the girl had; she was like the eager watcher of a marionette show, anticipating each flicker of an eyelid, each gesture of his hand, each flick of a finger, the moment before it began. How long had they walked together? Three minutes? Five? Yet how large that time seemed now..."_

~

Beth had slept long and hard. She hadn't dreamed -- not that she could remember, at least. When she woke, her arm was numb from laying on it; Beth sat up in the bed, rotating her shoulder, trying to get some of the feeling back in it. Daryl was gone, but that wasn't surprising. She figured it to be early afternoon. 

Suddenly, Beth heard shouting from the yard. Springing up, tripping slightly on the blankets, she fought her way to the window. She couldn't see anything, but she could hear voices -- crying. A woman. Beth scrambled for the door and went downstairs, grabbing her knife as she went. 

"She... she's here?" Beth froze outside the kitchen door, recognizing the voice immediately. "You found her? -- Glenn, he found her!" 

"Where is she? Is she alright?" Glenn asked. 

Beth's stomach sunk all the way to her knees. Maggie. Glenn. They were here. They were in the kitchen. They were talking to Daryl -- oh God, had Daryl told them? What did they know? Beth itched to run -- both away, and to them. 

"She's fine," Daryl assured them gruffly. "You'll be wantin' to see her, then, I s'ppose." 

"If you don't get out of my way, Dixon, I will lay you out," Maggie said her no-nonsense voice. 

"Just..." Daryl started, "lemme get her. I'll bring'er down. It'll be like a... surprise. She's was on her own for a long while. It'll be nice to do this for her."

"If you want to surprise her then you better move fast!" Maggie warned. 

Beth quietly ran back to the stairs, skidding on the hardwood in her socks. She took the two at a time, cursing their creaks. It wasn't long after that Daryl showed up, looking worried as hell, trying to spit out what she already knew. 

"Maggie's here," Beth said. 

"Yeah," Daryl admitted. "Y'heard 'em?" 

"Yeah, hard not to," Beth said. "Did you... did you tell them? About me? About what happened?" 

"Hell, girl," Daryl cursed. "No. I didn't say nothin'. They barely been here for more than a minute." 

"I'm... I'm gonna have to tell her," Beth whispered more to herself than to Daryl. 

"It'll be alright, Beth," he assured. "She'll understand, after what she went through with..."

"No," Beth said in a stronger voice, "I'm gonna have to tell her about us -- that we're... together. Eventually about this... my... our baby, Daryl."

"Damn it, Beth, she's gonna kill me!" Daryl exclaimed. 

"... we are together, aren't we?" 

"Shit," he cursed, slipping his hand into hers for moral support, "tell her whatever y'want, girl, but I ain't takin' off my crossbow." 

"... that's probably for the best."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind and lovely reviews. As always, your feedback is what keeps me going! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

"So you're --" Maggie started. 

"Yes."

"And it's --" she tried again. 

"Yes." 

"And you and Daryl are --" 

"Yes." 

"Damn it, Beth," Maggie cursed. 

The pair were sitting alone in the living room. After the hugging, and crying, and frantic checking over of one another, the men had filtered outside to catch some dinner. To give Daryl credit, he had lingered in the doorway, making sure Beth wanted to do this alone before he went off with Glenn. 

"Things were, hell, I dont know -- they were different, Maggie," Beth began. "When the prison went down -- you don't understand what he and I went through. And then we got separated... there was a herd, and he made sure I got out alright while he fought them off -- but I was so scared, Maggie, and I just ran. I _left_ him there."

"That doesn't sound like you, Beth."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. After the prison -- after Daddy -- everything changed; _I changed_. I'm _still_ changing," Beth said, laying her hand against her stomach. 

"I still can't believe my little sister is pregnant," Maggie said, rubbing at her temples. "Dead people are walking around eating the living, and you go and get yourself knocked up. You ain't sixteen anymore! You know better, Beth!" 

"Well, it happened, Maggie. Being an ass about it isn't going to change the fact. So, enough with acting like my Ma, and maybe, just be excited you get to be an aunt." 

"What about the car?" Maggie asked suddenly. 

"What car?" 

"Black car, white cross," Maggie said as though she had repeated those words over and over to herself in the past years. "Daryl said in Terminus... they took you, that's what he said."

"They didn't," Beth assured her sister. "Daryl thinks maybe they were lurin' the walkers to the house -- maybe it was their camp, and they were trying to run us out. I like to think they were just looking for their dog." 

"Huh?" 

"Oh, did he not tell you?" Beth asked, hoping to distract Maggie. "Right before the herd hit, Daryl found a dog at the door."

"What kind of dog?" Maggie asked, with a small smile. 

"I don't know. Ran off before I got to see it."

"That's too bad," Maggie said quietly.

There was a long moment of silence between the sisters. Outside, they could hear the distant voices of the guys. Beth imagined by now, they'd be cleaning some squirrels for dinner. Maybe a deer, if they were lucky. But there hadn't been too many deer left.

"And Daryl -- he didn't -- y'know --" Maggie started, breaking the quiet.

"No!" Beth said forcefully. "Daryl and I are together, Maggie. I made my own choice about that. You know he's a good man. A real good man, Maggie. Just like Glenn. He would do anything for me -- for the baby." 

"Daddy wouldn't like it."

"Maybe Daddy back at the farm wouldn't like it," Beth said. "I mean, when we were at the farm, Daddy still called Glenn _that Asian boy_ \-- and now Glenn has Daddy's pocketwatch. But when we were at the prison... when we were actually out there in the middle of all this... Daddy would've wanted someone who cared about me -- who cared enough to risk his own life just to keep me safe -- someone who could make me smile, Maggie. And that's Daryl." 

"He been cracking jokes since I last saw him?" Maggie asked, doubt colouring her voice. 

"You don't really know him, Maggie," Beth said. 

"And you love him?" her sister asked. 

"Yes," Beth said, knowing all at once it wasn't a lie. That it was the truth, in some impossibly complicated way. "Yes, I love him." 

"Guess I won't kill him then," Maggie said. 

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't." 

~

When Beth finally emerged from inside, soup in hand, she found Daryl standing alone in the afternoon light. He had a small fire going, and was prodding at a log with a stick. He heard her walking towards him and looked up, meeting her eyes. 

"Where is everyone?" Beth asked, as way of greeting. 

"Glenn and Maggie wanted t'wash up," Daryl said. "Sent 'em to the creek. They said they'd holler if anything happened." 

"Okay," Beth said, sitting down in one of the lawn chairs they had found. 

"So?" Daryl asked. 

"It was... she had a lot of questions," Beth said. "I told her that I left you there. That I got scared and I ran."

"She didn't ask 'bout the car?" 

"She did," Beth said. "I said you figured whoever was driving was using it to lure walkers to the funeral home. That you thought it was someone's camp and they wanted to get rid of us. And then, as a joke, I told her that I thought it was the people come lookin' for their dog." 

"She think it was funny?" 

"She wanted to know what kind of dog it was," Beth responded. 

"You Greene girls," Daryl said, huffing out a laugh. "And she was... what did she say 'bout the baby?"

"She said I knew better," Beth said in an annoyed voice. "End of the world, and she still has to get high and mighty with me, like she's my Ma. But... you know, I told her that it happened already and to try to be happy she was going to be an aunt." 

"And 'bout us?" 

"She's not on board yet. Not completely," Beth said. "But she promised she wouldn't kill ya, so we're getting there." 

"S'there anythin' I could do... t'make her... y'know... like me?" Daryl asked awkwardly. 

"Daryl, it's not that she doesn't like you!" Beth said, getting up to hold his hand. "She just doesn't think anyone is good enough for me. She hated Jimmy. And you should've heard her make fun of Zach. Maggie's my older sister. She thinks she's lookin' out for me." 

Daryl was quiet but pulled Beth in closer to him until she was underneath his arm. It still amazed her how tiny he made her feel. They watched the fire for a while longer until she felt his lips graze the top of her head. Beth blushed lightly, trying not to think of what she had said earlier, about loving him, and how she had meant it deep down in her banged-up heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for all your sweet reviews. You guys are seriously what keeps this story going when I lose inspiration (which is not uncommon). Also, as a shameless plug for my tumblr, if any of you guys wanted to follow me, you can find me at: www.persephonesgirlhood.tumblr.com

"How'd ya find us?" Daryl asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had settled during dinner. 

"Well, we weren't lookin' for ya -- I mean, we were, but we weren't," Maggie clarified. "We always looked for ya, Bethy, but never had anything to go on. We heard something about Rick though."

"Sounded like Rick, at least," Glenn contributed. 

"Yeah, few weeks North of this place," Maggie jumped in, "heard from a group that they'd seen some sort of settlement. Man with a baby, and a boy. Couple other folks, too. Just a block of cleared out buildings." 

"The group didn't... they were okay, I mean?" Beth asked, looking at her sister. 

"They were nice people," Maggie said. 

"Good people," Glenn added. 

"They were lookin' for someone though. They didn't stop."

"Everyone's lookin' for someone now'days," Daryl said quietly.

"What about you two?" Glenn asked. "Did you find anyone?" 

"Just each other," Daryl said. 

"Yeah -- uh --" Beth stalled, trying to think of a cover story. _What kind of person doesn't look for their own group?_ she asked herself.

"We were lookin', 'course," Daryl said. "But with Beth, and the baby, an' all -- it just seemed smarter to settle down somewhere quiet. Fortify the place best we could." 

"Makes sense," Maggie said easily.

"I heard that though," Beth said to her sister. "About... Rick. I overheard it, really. Couple people had been turned away from some building. It was a while ago. Sounds like he must have made good, then." 

"We'll be wantin' to stay here though," Daryl said firmly. "Beth ain't in any condition to be fighting off walkers, or walkin' til her feet bleed." 

"Of course," Glenn said. 

"Agreed," added Maggie. 

Beth hid her sigh of relief, but looked over to Daryl. He was sitting across from her, on the other side of the fire, playing with his spoon. When their eyes met, she smiled at him in thanks, and he shrugged his shoulders easily as if to ask her what she expected. She could almost hear him in her head: _Told ya I got ya covered, girl._

~

"Glenn and I'll just sleep down here," Maggie said. "We can either try to fit onto the couch together, or just use the cushions and our sleeping bags and set up on the floor." 

"Yeah," Glenn agreed. "It'll be way more comfortable than anything we've had lately." 

"Are you sure?" Beth asked. "I mean, if you wanted a night in the bed, we could --"

"I'm not taking a bed away from a pregnant woman," Glenn said. 

"Well, Maggie, if you want, we could share for a night or two?" Beth offered. "I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind." 

"Nah," Daryl said. 

"It's alright, Beth, Daddy ain't here," Maggie said with a laugh. "We both got boyfriends, it isn't a big deal." 

"Right," Beth said. "Well, I'm glad you're turning me down, 'cause you snore." 

"Do not!" 

"Actually --" Glenn said. 

"Shut up, jerk," Maggie snarked at him. 

"Y'snore, too," Daryl said, with a small smile at Beth. 

"Yeah, but when I'm asleep my snoring wouldn't bother me, would it?" Beth said with a laugh. 

"S'pose not."

"So, not to kick you out of the living room, but we're exhausted -- so get out," Maggie said playfully. 

"Alright, alright," Beth said. "We'll be just upstairs if you need anythin'."

~

Daryl was sprawled out on the bed next to Beth reading his book. He had volunteered to sleep on the floor, but she had waved him off. It wasn't as if he hadn't just been in her bed the night before. He was breathing easily, and for a long moment, she just watched him, feeling so grateful her insides ached. 

"Thank you, for today," Beth said. 

"It's nice havin' 'em around," Daryl said. 

"Yeah," Beth said. 

Still, she felt a guilty pang in her stomach. The way Glenn and Maggie had looked at one another -- touched one another -- finished one another's sentences. And here was Daryl, stuck with her, out of obligation and probably some guilt of his own. 

"Y'know, we don't have to do this forever," Beth said. 

"What d'ya mean, girl?" 

"Pretending... you and me... pretending that we're together. That you're my boyfriend, I mean. Or that I'm your girlfriend. I still want you around for the baby. I wouldn't have asked that if I didn't... but eventually we can... y'know, "break-up" or whatever." 

"Beth --" Daryl started, sitting up to look at her. 

"It's okay, Daryl. You don't owe me anything -- and if you feel guilty, about what happened to me, and are still blaming yourself -- don't. I'll be fine. The baby will still have you. And you can have what Glenn and Maggie have with someone, eventually." 

"Beth, stop," Daryl commanded. Beth snapped her mouth shut. "I don't want what Maggie and Glenn have. I want what we got." 

"But we don't... there's nothing..." Beth struggled to find words that were completely honest.

"Y'gonna make me come right out 'n say it, then?" Daryl asked, running a hand roughly through his hair. "Fine! I don't want this t'be pretend, Beth."

"But I'm so --"

"Don't matter," Daryl cut her off. 

"But it --" 

"No," he said, moving closer to her. "Y'listen here, Greene. I'll do whatever y'need me to do. If y'don't want me, I ain't gonna beg ya or try to change your mind. But I'm here, Beth, and y'can have whatever y'want from me. Friend, father of your baby, boyfriend -- just say it, girl." 

"I.. I..." 

"But before you make up your mind -- I just... just one more thing," he said haltingly. 

Slowly, always slowly, he dropped his head down to hers and tasted her mouth. Beth could feel his lips, wet from his tongue, warm from his blood. He always ran so damn hot. Beside her his hands clenched in the duvet, pulling it up around her. Beth could feel in him passion, dark and wild, but tightly restrained. She ached in a way that surprised her, scared her, and took her breath away. She wanted to feel that passion. She wanted it all.

"Don't write us off, Beth," he said, running a hand over her mussed ponytail. "This ain't pretend between you and me. It just ain't."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two for one tonight, just because.

_"Wake up, bitch," a voice snarled in her ear._

_Beth whimpered low in her throat; every muscle she had used to make the sound, every movement to push it out, hurt. Her ribs were on fire -- but that voice made everything go cold. She struggled to open her eyes, wishing it all away._

_"Ain't that cute, Tommy?" Mark asked. "Little Blondie was dreamin'."_

_"What were you dreaming about?" Jared asked from across the room. Beth watched him silently, cleaning his gun._

_"She was dreamin' she was far away from here, with someone who loved her -- ain't that right?" said Jared._

_"H-how --" Beth rasped out, voice like sandpaper across the tender walls of her throat. "How did you --?"_

_"It's what they all dream about," Tommy said._

_"Well, it ain't all they dream about -- but when the dreams are good, at least," Mark said._

_"No," Beth disagreed. "This isn't --"_

_Suddenly Mark's hand hit her in the face, right by the corner of her mouth. Beth could taste the metallic tang of blood so vividly that it made her stomach lurch. She looked up into his eyes -- those dead eyes -- and struggled to say something -- to muster some fight -- but even her bones hurt. Even her breath._

_"Feel real enough, Blondie?" Tommy asked._

_"You had to know that whatever you were dreaming about -- whoever you were dreaming about -- that's not how this is gonna end. You knew that, right?" Mark asked._

_"He's right," said Jared, getting up to stand with the pair in front of her. "We had a lot of girls, and, well, no happy endings. Not for them at least."_

_"Happy endings for us though," Tommy said. "All around."_

_"She might be blonde, Tommy, but I think even she got that without explainin'," said Mark. "What do you feel like doin' tonight, girlie?"_

_A thousand replies raced in Beth's mind: Kill you, go home, make you perform unspeakable acts on each other like you've made me do to you. But she said nothing. Knew it was worse if she showed any spark, any spunk._

_"We were thinkin' about a little show tonight, weren't we, fellas?" said Mark. "How about you take what's left of those clothes off, and show us how you like to party?"_

_With a swiftness Beth hadn't known her body possessed, she was emptying her stomach on the floor. She could hear them laughing, loud and cruel, but she couldn't control it. Her skin wanted to crawl off her body. Her breath wanted to catch for so long she might just black out and wake up with it all over -- like side-stepping from your own body, and losing time._

_No such luck._

_"Well, that ain't classy, but, hell, we aint classy guys," Jared said as he pointed the gun at her. "Come on, little miss, show us what y'got."_

~

Beth woke up to shaking. She sat up so fast she knocked her head against someone else's and leaped off the bed in a blind panic, looking for a weapon, looking for anything. 

"Damn it, girl," Daryl muttered, rubbing his head. 

"D-Daryl?" Beth asked, voice already breaking on tears. 

"You was whimperin' in your sleep. Thought I'd get t'ya before you screamed and woke the whole house up," he explained.

Beth couldn't reply, she simply bent forward holding her middle, and cried. Her whole body shook with grief, and lingering fear, and relief. She was surprised no sound came out. The moonlight filtered through the window, showing Daryl, unsure of what to do.

"It's okay, girl," Daryl said. "You're with me. And your sister's here, too. And Glenn. Ain't nothin' getting t'ya." 

"D-Daryl, it was aw-awful," Beth pushed out, walking over to him and straight into his arms, pushing her wet face into his shirt. "I thought... I remembered this. And you. And I woke up there. And you guys were all a dream, and I was still there, Daryl."

"Beth," Daryl said sadly, running his hand through her loose hair, the other rubbing her back hesitantly, afraid to scare her. "I got ya. I know I was too late then, but I got ya now. And nothin' is happenin' to you. Okay?" 

"Okay," Beth sniffled, squeezing him tightly one last time before letting him go. "I'm sorry I woke you up." 

"Wasn't sleepin'," Daryl said. 

He led her back to bed with a hand on the small of her back. Beth slid underneath the covers and noticed the lamp burning for the first time, low and dull, casting shadows against the wall. Daryl's book had been tossed by the foot of the bed, page lost.

"You ain't finished it yet?" Beth asked, nodding towards the book. 

"Almost," Daryl said. "Y'want me to read t'you again?" 

"Yes," Beth said. "Please."

"Is it like that e'ery night?" Daryl asked, voice low in the almost-darkness, as he reached for the book and got settled.

"Mostly," she said as she averted her eyes. 

"Do you want -- ah... uh," Daryl said, holding his arm slightly up, inviting her under to rest against his side. "It's alright... I mean, y'don't gotta. Just maybe... y'know, it'll help."

Beth slid next to him immediately, feeling relieved at having the contact back. His body heat relaxed her, and the sound of his heart in her ear when she laid her head against Daryl's chest reminded her that she was home. That she was safe. That she was with _him_. 

"Y'ready?" he asked quietly.

"Yep," said Beth, smelling the night and fire-smoke on him, trying to lull herself back to sleep.

" _Five. Five o'clock in the morning. Another year ticked by in a single hour, and dawn waiting beyond the far bank of the river_ ," Daryl recited slowly, his one hand still playing with the strands of her hair while the other held the book aloft.

"This is nice," Beth said when he paused for breath. "We should do this more." 

"Quiet," Daryl said, with a warmth in his voice -- she recognized his teasing. "You're interruptin' the story." 

"Sorry," Beth said with a little smirk. "Do continue, Mr. Dixon." 

" _Why do you trust me?" Said Montag._

_A man moved in the darkness._

_"The look of you's enough..._ "


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually try to have about a thousand words per chapter but this one got slightly away from me. Though I'm sure none of you will mind. I guess re-watching TWD with my mom, who has never seen it, has been inspiring me to write more of this. As always, thank you for the lovely reviews. I love hearing from each and every one of you!

A week passed, then another -- nothing seemed to change. Beth would spend time with whoever had hung back to watch over her. Most of the time it was Glenn, sometimes Maggie; rarely was it Daryl. Her sister claimed she was using the time to get to know him, but they were always silent when they walked back. Beth tried not to think about it.

In the evening she would sleep next to Daryl. He would read to her the nights she woke up soaked in sweat from another nightmare -- so, most nights he would read to her. Usually they were touching in their sleep. Sometimes it was just a foot against the back of a leg, or an arm against a spine. On the worst nights, Beth found herself curled into him, under his protective embrace. She found she craved the proximity. 

Today though, she watched the treeline, waiting for Daryl to return. He had taken Glenn with him, claiming he had spotted deer tracks and would need the extra muscle. When Maggie had gotten offended, Glenn asked her if she would really want to carry back a dead deer, and she had shut up surprisingly quickly -- the thought made Beth smile to herself. 

"What're you grinnin' about over there?" Maggie asked, in the lawn-chair across from hers. 

"Just picturing you carrying a dead deer," Beth replied. 

"I would've done it, Bethy," Maggie said with a serious face, "but you know how fragile men can be. I didn't want to emasculate Glenn." 

"Sure," Beth responded. 

"So," Maggie said, "talking about men: how are things with Daryl?" 

"They're fine," Beth said easily. "Good, you know, things are good." 

"Okay," Maggie said, doubt colouring her voice minutely -- but just enough for Beth to catch it. 

"Why?" Beth asked. "Did he... did he say something to you?" 

"Yeah, Beth," Maggie said. "When we go out to hunt for food, we tell each other secrets."

"Why you always gotta be so sarcastic?" Beth sighed, feeling relieved. 

"He didn't say anything. Just..." Maggie trailed off with a shrug.

"Just what?" 

"Well, you guys aren't very... y'know... affectionate with one another," Maggie finished. 

"Y'think he's not nice to me?" 

"He's plenty nice, Beth. I'd be blind not to see the way he looks at ya, or all the little things he does for ya -- but you guys almost never touch, or kiss. And if that's because of me... because you feel like I don't approve..." 

"Oh," Beth said lamely. Since their last kiss, nothing more had transpired. They hadn't even talked about it or what it had meant -- let alone replicated it for an audience. "We just... we thought it was the right thing to do, to kind of ease you into it." 

"Don't worry about me, Beth," Maggie responded. "I know my reaction wasn't... great. But I know you, and I know you've got a good head on your shoulders. And if you picked Daryl, then I don't doubt he's good enough for you. I just want you to be happy -- even if that means having to watch my little sister make-out across the campfire." 

"Well, God knows I've watched you and Glenn suck face enough," Beth groused. "Just... Daryl is a private person, Maggie. Even with the go-ahead, I'm not sure how much cuddlin' up we'll be doing in front of y'all." 

Maggie hummed low in her throat and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes, signaling the end of their conversation. Beth's mind seemed to catch fire with panic. _What if Maggie figures out what happened? And what am I supposed to say to Daryl -- hey, would you mind hugging and kissin' me more so my sister doesn't think I'm frigid?_ But before she could completely spiral, Beth saw the guys walk out of the forest, carrying a very dead deer; Glenn was triumphantly hollering and pumping his fist, dropping the bottom half back onto the ground. 

Maggie laughed. 

So did Beth. 

~ 

"Someone really likes you," Glenn said, nodding out the window, towards Daryl. 

"Oh yeah?" Beth asked. "What? Were you guys trading war stories?" 

Glenn looked at Maggie, who was standing next to Daryl, learning how to gut and clean a deer. Beth had to hand it to her sister, she didn't even look remotely grossed out. Of course, she also knew her sister well enough to know it was all an act -- even after all this time. 

"Maggie would kill me if I compared her to a war," Glenn said. "But, basically, yeah." 

"Well, don't worry, I won't tell her," Beth said, walking over to the pantry, going through the cans. 

"I mean it, Beth," Glenn said. "I know Daryl isn't big with the words, but that deer out there is actually the third one we saw. Which is crazy, given we haven't seen any in ages, but --" 

"I can't imagine Daryl missed..." Beth said slowly, asking for an explanation. 

"No," Glenn said. "He didn't shoot. There was a doe and a fawn. They were eating crab apples from the ground. But Daryl didn't even raise his bow. And you know why?" 

"He was transfixed by their majestic beauty?" 

"Man, you're a lot like your sister," Glenn said with an eyeroll. "He said it was a mom and its baby, and we were gonna let them go because Beth wouldn't like it." 

"He said that, huh?' Beth asked, with a small smile. 

"Yeah, he did," Glenn said. 

"Hmm," Beth responded, feeling her cheeks turn pink. "Guess someone really likes me." 

~

At dinner, Beth sat next to Daryl, letting their knees touch occassionaly. There wasn't much conversation. Everyone was far too busy eating. It had been so long since any of them had, had anything but squirrel. They ate until they were full, and then, they ate just a little bit more. Beth smothered a yawn behind her hand, feeling sleepy from all the overindulgence. 

"You two should head up to bed," Maggie said. "Glenn and I can put the fire out tonight and do a check around the property."

"Okay," Beth found herself agreeing easily. "Come get us if you need us." 

"Just holler," Daryl added. 

"Y'got it," Maggie said, burrowing further under Glenn's arm. "Sleep well."

Beth got up and slipped her fingers into Daryl's hand; when he looked down at her, brow slightly drawn in confusion, she simply smiled. They walked back into the house together that way, only breaking apart when they reached the bedroom. Beth kicked off her shoes and flopped onto the mattress. Daryl followed suit. 

"I'm exhausted and the only thing I did was sit around all day and eat," Beth said, rolling onto her side to face him. "I can't imagine how tired you are." 

"Ain't too bad," Daryl said with a shrug. 

"Glenn told me about the baby deer," Beth said, omitting what he had told her about Daryl's reaction. "Was it awfully cute?" 

"It was a gangly little fucker," Daryl laughed. 

"So was Bambi," Beth argued. 

"Guess so," Daryl agreed. 

"Maggie had a lot to say today while you were gone," Beth said, steeling herself for the conversation. 

"Yeah?" Daryl asked. 

"Yeah," Beth said. "She thinks we're not very... affectionate... that's her word," Beth said. "She wanted us to know that if it's her reaction to... us... that we don't need to worry 'bout her." 

In the heavy silence of the room, Daryl cracked his knuckles one by one. Beth thought it sounded a lot like the falling dominoes she had played with when she was younger -- one hitting the other, toppling over, collapsing her carefully set pattern. 

"Daryl?" Beth asked, after he made no move to speak. 

"I ain't been holdin' off 'cause of her, but y'know that," he said. 

"Because... of what happened to me," she said, bitterness creeping into her voice. 

"No," Daryl said. "Hell, girl, no. I ain't gonna go faster than y'want, if y'even want, but you ain't said nothin' to me since I... since we..." 

"You've been..." Beth trailed off. 

"Waitin'," Daryl said. "I've been waitin' on ya, Beth, to make up your mind 'bout me." 

"You can," Beth started, resting her hand tentatively on her arm, "when you want..." 

Daryl leaned his head in and placed a soft kiss on her temple. Then her cheek. Beth sighed into the movement, feeling her body fall into his gravity. Hips almost against hips. Her breasts almost against his chest. Everything just a breath away. 

"... whenever y'want," Beth said, her accent getting heavy as he trailed a line of hot, open mouthed kisses against her neck, "if y'even want..."


	7. Chapter 7

Beth heard his breath stop -- felt her own follow suit. She had meant what she'd in that moment. Wanted all of him. His arms, his legs. Wanted his mouth, and the sinful things she was sure it could do to her. She pressed her hand against his chest, just over his heart, and nodded once, showing she meant it. Letting him know she meant it. 

"C'mere, girl," Daryl said in a voice Beth hardly recognized; it was saturated with desire, dark, maybe even a little forbidden -- everything her romance novels had talked about. "I'm gonna kiss ya." 

She felt his hands tangle in her hair. Daryl's touch was rough, but did not hurt. Beth felt his lips on hers, hot and needy. When he bit her bottom lip softly, she moaned, letting his tongue slip inside her without protest. It moved against her own in a song she could not remember, because it was completely new. Nothin' like the hurt, and nothin' like the sweet. Daryl Dixon, silk and cigarette smoke, dragging her under until she couldn't remember the past, let alone her own name. 

Her body lit up and moved of its own accord. Beth touched him. His arms. His neck. Moved closer to feel his unbelievable heat. When her chest hit his, Daryl slowed the kiss down, softening in pressure, teasing until there was almost nothing. Every inch of her mouth was sensitive -- almost ticklish -- from the attention. He pulled away from her. 

"Damn," he said, dragging a thumb across the spit shined, swollen top of her lip, "would you look at that." 

Beth blinked her blue eyes at him, unable to form words. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her. She bit the pad of his thumb playfully, unable to bring herself to ask. Slid her tongue out slowly, licked the salty skin. Beth felt Daryl's groan down the soles of her feet. 

"What're we doin', girl?" Daryl asked, more to himself than her. 

"Bein' close," Beth said, resting her forehead against his. 

"Y'okay?" he asked

Beth nodded and shivered when she felt his finger trace the shell of her ear. She couldn't help but blush at his cocky smirk, feeling goosebumps break out on her skin. Beth nuzzled into his touch, wanting closer, wanting more, wanting -- just plain' wanting. 

His lips moved across the bare expanse of her neck, nipping at her collarbone, sucking just under her ear. Still, Daryl's hands didn't travel. One was underneath her head, tangled in her blond locks, the other on her hip, thumb having snuck under the fabric of her shirt, drawing small, rough circles.

Beth didn't expect it when he brought their hips together. Her breath caught in her throat at his hardness, straining against his jeans. The first pang of fear shot through her, dampening her fire, making her go cold. Beth pushed him back with her hands, scrambling slightly. 

"Beth?" Daryl asked, voice uncertain.

Beth tried to answer, but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Her heart seemed to be racing too fast -- unimaginably fast -- _Is this a heart attack? Am I having a heart attack?_ Beth splayed her hand just under her ribcage and shook her head.

She lost time, lost sense, lost reason. Could not remember where she was. All that she knew was that she couldn't breathe. She wasn't breathing. And Beth didn't want to die this way, gasping like a fish out of water. She couldn't get any air. _I'm gonna die._

Suddenly, she was gathered in strong arms. Beth tried to back out but the person held her close. She was struggling to breathe -- struggling to keep from crying -- did not have the air or energy for it. A minute passed, then another, before she heard a low voice, whispering just over her head.

"Y'hear that?" he asked. "That's my heartbeat, girl. Y'gotta be used to that sound by now. Sleep with your head against it most nights, right? Y'recognize it yet?"

Beth didn't nod, but listened. Just under the sound of his breathing, she could hear the steady thump of his heart. Daryl was right. It was familiar. Her own heart began to slow to match its pace. Beth breathed a little easier. 

"And y'gotta know how I smell by now," Daryl said with a small laugh, "fer better or worse. Smoke. Dirt. BO. What was it y'said again?" 

"M-motorcycle o-oil," Beth stuttered out, feeling the panic leave her body. "And wind." 

The silence settled between them. Daryl waited for her breathing to even out, and then left her alone to her thoughts for a few more. Beth was exhausted from the intensity of it all, feeling her bones sag with tiredness. She burrowed into his chest, sniffling slightly.

"You're safe, Beth," Daryl said, running his hand over her hair, "I'm sorry, girl."

"No," Beth said. "D-don't ruin it by apologizing. I wanted ya, Daryl. Hell, I want ya. I just..." 

"It's okay," he said. "I get it." 

"Wish ya didn't have to," she muttered, letting her frustration leak into her voice. "Wish I could just be normal. I want to give ya everything, Daryl. Everything ya want." 

"You do," he said. "I want to touch ya, and kiss ya, when ya want to be touched and kissed. Any little bit of ya is more than every piece of someone else. Just sleepin' next to ya in the night -- y'fill me up, girl." 

Beth, feeling tears build behind her eyes at his sweetness, simply slipped out of his embrace to kiss him. Their mouths met again, more tender and emotional than she had ever though possible. Her heart was heavy, aching, but with something she had never felt before -- at least, not before Daryl -- love. 

"Don't ever go," Beth said seriously, her hands on either side of his face, looking into his blue eyes. "I lo -- just, don't ever go, okay?" 

Daryl nodded and then pressed a quiet _You neither_ to the soft skin of her jaw as he nuzzled against her. 

"I won't," she promised him. She knotted her hand in his hair to make Daryl look up at her. "I won't ever leave ya, Daryl Dixon." 

"Y'know I'd chase y'down anyhow," Daryl said with a smirk. "Free country, right?" 

Beth laughed so suddenly she snorted, the sound getting caught in her throat. Immediately Daryl followed her lead, chuckling, and guffawing louder than she had ever heard him. And they stayed like that for a long while -- one stopping, just to catch their breath, before the other set them off again. And in between, because they just couldn't help it, they pressed their laughter into one another's mouth with their lips and teeth and tongue.


	8. Chapter 8

Beth stood at the kitchen window, looking out onto the lawn. Maggie and Daryl were gone again, trying to catch another deer. Her sister said if they managed, she would be the one to clean it this time. Glenn was out in the yard, dragging a walker he had taken care of off to the other side of the road and into the forest. 

Her face still burned. 

Daryl, who had been just about out the door, had stopped suddenly. Maggie was waiting for him on the grass, tapping her foot impatiently. _Just a sec,_ he muttered, and grabbed Beth by the back of her neck with a firm hand. Before she could even let out a squeak, his mouth was on hers. The kiss was brief, but consuming, leaving her blue eyes stunned and almost unseeing -- which was why she had no smartass comment for her sister, who snorted in good-natured disgust. 

Beth could still feel his lips on hers. It had taken her all day to psych herself up to acting normal after last night -- to acting like they hadn't almost... and then he went and did that. Suddenly every memory was back in technicolor -- his muscled arms, the heat of his body, the sounds he made. Daryl. Every inch of him. Pressed against her. Daryl, in the dark of the bedroom. With her. 

"I bet I know what you're thinking about," Glenn said with a laugh, breaking Beth out of her thoughts. 

"Oh, gross!" she groaned. "You're practically my brother, Glenn." 

"And brothers are expected to dole out a certain amount of ribbing," he said. "Can't blame me for being family." 

"How did you even see that?" Beth said, referring to the kiss. 

"Oh, I didn't," Glenn responded. "I was checking the property and on the way out Maggie told me about it, much to Daryl's discomfort." 

"Yeah, can't imagine he loved that."

"It's good though," Glenn said. "That you guys feel comfortable now. Not that we want to see you making out all the time, but, you know." 

"Just tryin' to ease y'all into it," Beth said dryly. "I still expect Maggie to smack him upside the head when he looks at me funny." 

"Funny?" 

"You know, like..." Beth said, trailing off. 

"Oh, you mean when his eyes get replaced with little cartoon hearts?" Glenn teased. 

"Very mature," Beth groused. "Besides, you get the same look with Maggie." 

"Yeah, but it's not surprising when I do it," Glenn said. "I mean, I probably looked that way from the first second I saw her." 

"Yeah," Beth agreed. "You definitely did. You were like Johnny Mason, who used to follow her around sayin' he loved her when they were eight until she punched him in the stomach."

"I got some more stuff to do outside," Glenn said laughing. "Just wanted to check in." 

"Do you need some help?" Beth asked. "I'm going stir-crazy." 

"Not really," Glenn said. "But if you want to tell me more about this Johnny Mason character while I finish up, I wouldn't mind the company." 

"Lead the way," Beth said, following him. 

~

Beth and Daryl were laying awake in bed. She was looking at the ceiling, trying not to tense up or get nervous. Daryl seemed to have no such problem, stretching his legs out, eyes closed and relaxed. She could tell he wasn't asleep, though -- he almost never fell asleep before her. 

Beth listened to him breathe. On the bedside table, he had an open copy of _Catch-22_ ; she hadn't seen him start it, but it seemed to already be a couple chapters in. Beth had read it one year in school for a book report. She had a vague memory of enjoying it. Daryl coughed quietly into his hand, interrupting her thought process. 

"Too bad about the deer," Beth said. "I was lookin' forward to seein' Maggie throw up in our dinner." 

"Ain't no one throwin' up in the dinner," Daryl said firmly. "I woulda had her stop if she started turnin' green around the edges." 

"You're no fun," Beth said, teasing. 

Daryl cracked open an eye to look at her, not moving his head, and then closed it again, muttering that she was crazy. A minute passed in silence, then another, then another. Beth tried to sleep, but couldn't shut her brain off; she turned onto her side, facing Daryl. 

"Glenn said you get little cartoon hearts in your eyes when you look at me," Beth said, figuring that would get a rise out of him. 

"S'pose I prob'bly do," he said quietly. Then after a moment or two he asked, "It was alright? I mean, what I did this mornin'? The kiss... y'know. I usually ask... I didn't want to scare ya but --"

"Y'wanted Maggie to see we're a normal couple," Beth finished for him. 

"No. Naw," he said, turning on his side to look at her and propping himself up on his elbow. "Beth, how many times I gotta tell you that ain't what we are. That ain't what we're doin' here!" 

"Daryl --" 

"No!" Daryl exclaimed, getting up suddenly to pace the room, gesturing wildly at her. "I _ain't_ puttin' on a show, girl! I _ain't_ pretendin' nothin'! I _ain't_ doin' that. I kissed ya cause I _wanted_ t'kiss ya! Cause I always want t'be kissin' ya!" 

"Daryl, be quiet!" Beth demanded as kindly as she could. 

"I love ya, Beth!" he said seriously -- he said loudly. He went completely still, looking straight at her, jaw tensed with determination, then quieter again, "I'm in love with ya, Beth."

"Daryl --"

"Damn it," Daryl cursed, stopping her from speaking. It had all happened so fast that Beth couldn't process anything before he was out the door. Just like when he had kissed her. At first there was nothing but Daryl, all around her... and then he was gone -- but never completely. He lingered in her bloodstream. His voice echoed in her head.

 _Love_ , Beth thought. _He loves me_. 

~

"Bethy?" Maggie called through the door. "Can I come in?" 

"Yeah," Beth called back. 

"We heard you two fightin'," Maggie explained, going in the room to sit next to her sister. "What happened?" 

"He... loves me," Beth said, still a little bit in shock. 

"Well, that's pretty obvious, Beth," Maggie said. "What were you arguin' about?" 

"No," Beth said. "That's what... we weren't... not really. He told me he loved me. That he was... in love... with me." 

"What?" Maggie asked. "You're pregnant with his child. Has he never...? He has to have...?" 

"No," Beth said. "That was the first time. I mean, y'know Daryl. He's more of a shower than a teller." 

"Then why was he shoutin'?" 

"Maggie, it's just... it's hard to explain," Beth said. "But nothing's wrong. I think. Did you hear him go outside?" 

"Yeah," Maggie said. "He went out alright. Slammed the door pretty damn hard on his way." 

"Glenn didn't --" 

"Oh, no!" Maggie assured her. "It was pretty obvious he wanted some space." 

Beth leaned back on the headboard, resting her cheek against her sister's shoulder. In the quiet, Beth tried to sort her thoughts, but it was hard with her heart thundering in her chest. She knew she loved Daryl. So much it scared her, even. But could she say it back? Could she handle it if one day, he got sick of all her hangups? Met someone else, as slim as the chances were? Wanted something easier? -- could she even fault him if he did? 

"Y'gonna go talk to him, Bethy?" Maggie said. "I'm sure he's waitin' on ya." 

"No," Beth said, rubbing her hand against her stomach unconsciously. "I can't." 

"Not yet?" Maggie asked. 

But Beth said nothing.


	9. Chapter 9

The bedroom door opening woke Beth up. She couldn't remember falling asleep, but there she was in bed alone, with the sun streaming through the windows. Daryl was standing in the bathroom, rummaging through a drawer, looking for something.

"What are you after?" Beth asked, getting up from the bed to stand in the doorway. 

"Seein' if we had any of that Advil left. Got a bitch of a headache," he responded, not turning to look at her. 

"Yeah, it's in the mirror," she said. 

"Why would y'move it?" Daryl demanded. "What if there was an emergency?" 

"An emergency where knowing the exact location of the Advil is would mean life or death?" Beth asked. "Then I guess you'd have to check behind the mirror, because that's where I put it, and God willin' the person would pull through."

"Y'think that's funny?" Daryl asked. 

"Well, I just wanted to check to see if you were in a mood -- and yep, seems like you are." 

"You'd be in a mood too if ya slept outside," he snapped. 

"Well, I'd like to feel sorry for ya, but no one made you sleep outside, Daryl," she said. "So would you stop being such an ass?" 

"I told ya I loved ya, Beth," he said, finally looking at her. "And you didn't say one damn thing."

"You didn't really give me a chance!" Beth protested. "Before I could get out more than your name, you took off." 

"And now?" Daryl asked, hope creeping into his hurt eyes. "You got anythin' to say to me now?" 

"I... It's just..." Beth started, trying not to look at him, knowing the expression on his face would break her heart, "I can't get over feelin' like... this situation... that I'm just askin' too much of you."

"I feel like I'm gettin' whiplash from you, girl! One minute you wanna run away, the next y'ask me never to go, then you're kissin' me like it's why God gave ya lips, and just as suddenly, you're backin' off again!" Daryl exclaimed. "Tell me what ya want, Beth, because we can't keep doin' this."

Beth managed to keep the tears that were building in the backs of her eyes from falling. She sighed, walking back to the bed and sitting down. She knew what she wanted to say -- what she wanted to do -- but she couldn't. It was selfish of her to even let it get as far as it had. 

"... maybe you're right," she responded quietly. "I really like you, Daryl. I always have. But this thing that we're doing, it just ain't right. Or fair."

"What?" Daryl asked, voice raising and laced with barely contained panic. He knelt down in front of her so he could look up into her eyes. "Wait, what are ya sayin'?"

"We can figure out something to tell Maggie and Glenn -- and we can go back to bein' friends. It's what we were good at, anyway."

"Don't do this, girl," Daryl said in a voice that was as close to begging as she had ever heard. "You ain't gotta do this. I shouldn't'a pushed. I was bein' an asshole, but you ain't gotta end this."

"Daryl --" 

"You ain't gotta love me!" he said in a voice that collapsed what was left of her heart. "God knows no one ever did. Just don't... you can't... Beth, don't leave me, please." 

"Daryl, you're a wonderful man," Beth reached out to grab his hand and squeeze it, "and if I could love anybody, I would... with you... I hope ya know that. But I don't know if I'm gonna ever be able to... not in the way you deserve. And I want so badly to see you get somethin' like that. Even if I don't get to be the other half of it -- do y'understand what I'm sayin'?" 

"Yeah, I get it," Daryl said standing up, "and it's bullshit! You're runnin' scared. Of everythin'. And I can't even blame ya, and you're breakin' my damn heart, girl, for somethin' that's never gonna happen. Y'think I'm movin' on? Gonna find some little piece to settle down with? Are y'kiddin' me? You're scared, but y'ain't stupid!" 

"I'm doing this for you!" Beth protested. 

"Like hell y'are!" Daryl shouted. "Y'can say whatever y'want. Y'can break my heart. Y'can push me away. But don't y'act like it's for me. 'Cause all I want is you." 

"You'll thank me some day," Beth said, lip trembling, tears starting to leak out. 

"Bullshit," Daryl spat again.

Beth expected him to lash out, like he always had. To hit something. Kick something. Maybe knock something over -- shatter something. But he just started walking out of the room, hands dug deep into his pockets, still knotted in fists. 

"Wait -- what're we gonna tell Maggie?" Beth asked. 

"Tell her whatever ya want," Daryl said without stopping. 

When he disappeared completely from sight, Beth let herself dissolve into a mess of tears. She curled up into herself and sobbed so long that her head pounded. She could feel her nose running but couldn't be bothered to wipe it. _What am I going to do? What did I do? Will he ever forgive me?_

She didn't hear her sister come in, worriedly saying her name; she only noticed Maggie's presence when she started rubbing Beth's back. Still, unable to speak or explain, she simply buried her head by the side of her sister's leg and waited it out. _I can't cry forever, can I?_

"Bethy, calm down," Maggie said with concern. "You're gonna make yourself sick. What happened? Did you and Daryl fight? I need to know what happened."

"We..." Beth stopped to gather more breath, "we broke... we broke up." 

"He broke up with you?" Maggie exclaimed. "Just give me five seconds with him --"

"No," Beth said. "I -- I did -- I did it." 

"Why?" Maggie asked, running her hand through her sister's blonde hair. 

"I just... I had -- I had to. The feelings -- the feelings -- it wasn't right. Wasn't his... his fault. He loved me. The baby. Maggie... Maggie, don't say nothin' to him. I just -- I hurt him so bad." 

"Shhh," Maggie hushed her. "Don't think about none of that right now. You just gotta calm down, okay? It ain't good for the baby to be so worked up. Try to relax and I'll stay with you today. As long as you need. Alright?"

Beth just nodded and held onto her sister. All that time avoiding Maggie -- avoiding everyone -- avoiding life -- and she needed her sister now like she needed air. This little piece of home -- of a time where none of this could've been imagined. And she knew suddenly that the only thing she could do now -- the only thing she could give to Daryl -- was the same: Rick, Carol, Michonne. Whoever was left. Whoever they could find. She would take all the looks, all the questions, all the lies she would have to tell, if she could see Daryl smile just once more. 

"I need you to... promise me something," Beth said to her sister. 

"Okay?" 

"Before I'm ready... just before the baby... I need you and Glenn to go... see if it's Rick. See if it's safe. I wanna... I wanna be with family."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for hanging in there and refraining from throwing stuff at me last update. Always much appreciated. As well, thank you for your lovely reviews. i love each and every one of them!

Weeks passed. Slow, unbearable weeks. Daryl had taken to sleeping in the hallway, unwilling to disrupt Glenn and Maggie's arrangement. Beth had tried to talk him out of it, but couldn't blame him for not wanting to sleep next to her anymore. In his absence, her nightmares had returned, and she slept fitfully with the journal he had found to her tucked against her chest like a stuffed animal.

Daryl barely spoke to her. If she had thought he was quiet before they got to know one another, it was nothing compared to now. She was lucky to get a _yes_ or _no_ out of him. Mostly he just grunted or shrugged; that is, when he was even around for Beth to try to talk to. He had taken to spending more time hunting -- sometimes a night or two on his own, which she hated, but what could she do?

Tonight he was sitting across from her at the fire. Glenn and Maggie had just turned in. Beth was finished eating -- so was Daryl -- but she didn't feel like going in just yet. The stars were flickering clear and bright in the sky, and she knew as soon as she went in that house, up those stairs, her chest would tighten with anxiety. Beth hated sleeping alone. No. _She hated sleeping without Daryl_. She looked at him. He was digging a hole in the ground with a stick. 

"You can go inside if you want to," she offered. "I can put it out."

Daryl shrugged a shoulder but didn't respond. She pulled her sweater tighter around herself. The cold was starting to seep into Beth's bones, even with the fire. An ember popped loudly between the pair, signifying just how quiet it was between them. How tense. 

Beth shifted uncomfortably on the rickety lawn chair. She tried to ignore the man sitting across from her but she found it impossible. Her eyes were drawn to him. Beth flicked her gaze to him once, the twice, watching him bite at the outside of his thumb, worrying the flesh there with his teeth. Daryl looked miserable being near her.

"You don't gotta stay out here," Beth assured him. "I mean it. I'm perfectly capable of putting out a fire. Camping basics."

"Ain't the fire I'm worried 'bout," Daryl said. "Damn apocalypse, and y'want me to just leave ya out here on your own." 

"Well it isn't nearly as enjoyable sitting out here with you glaring a hole in my head."

"Wasn't even lookin' at ya, girl," Daryl said.  
  
"That ain't much better," she said quietly. 

The silence settled around them uncomfortably. Beth wanted to say more, but wasn't sure what, so she chewed the inside of her cheek. Daryl tossed another log on the flames; his movements were jagged and sharp, like broken glass. She could feel his anger at her, just barely restrained, underneath the surface. 

"Might feel better if ya just had a good yell at me," Beth said, looking up at him. "I can tell you want to." 

"Ain't nothin' to yell about," Daryl said in a tight voice. "Y'wanted out. You're out. Y'ain't gotta keep picking that scab, Beth."

"It wasn't like that, Daryl," Beth said with a sigh. "You know I was only trying to do what was best for you... for us..." 

"Would y'cut the shit?" he shot at her. "I don't need ya makin' my decisions for me. I don't need ya actin' like you know better than me -- you don't! And I sure as hell don't need ya actin' like after everything you really expect me to believe y'just wanna be friends." 

"Daryl --"

"Y'wanna have this out? Fine!" Daryl shouted. "But y'don't get to stop just cause I'm the only one makin' a damn lick of sense, girl!"

"You'll see it one day," Beth said. 

"See what?" 

"That you're better off," she replied easily. Before he could open his mouth to protest, she started speaking again. "I asked Maggie a few days ago if she and Glenn would go check out the lead on Rick. Just a little before the baby. If it is him... then we're gonna go back."

"But --" 

"They're your people, Daryl," Beth said, standing up, "not me. I was never anybody's people, 'cept for Daddy and Maggie."

"That ain't true!" he exclaimed. "You're talkin' crazy. Everyone there cared for ya like their own, Beth." 

"I never said they didn't, but at the end of the day, you guys were fighters, and I was a babysitter. I don't know what the hell I am now, but it's still not the same. I wish it was. But it ain't. And it won't ever be." 

Daryl strode up to her angry. If Beth didn't trust him with every bit of her being, she would've flinched. There was fire in his eyes; his jaw was clenching and unclenching, an angry tick; his hands were fisted so hard the knuckles went white, and then just as suddenly he let them go. He brought one of her hands up to his chest, just over his heart, and she let him. 

"Y'wanna say y'ain't my people, I can't stop ya, Beth," he said gruffly, "but ya can't stop me from bein' yours."

Beth's fingers curled slightly around his muscled chest. Her fingernails poked at the fabric of his vest, pulling it closer -- pulling him closer -- she always wanted him closer. She looked up into his blue eyes, seeing all the hurt she had put there and all the love Daryl still had for her that was bruisin' up his insides, and she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him so bad. But somehow, she let go and she walked away. Beth couldn't say goodbye to him twice. She didn't know if she could survive it. And Daryl looked like he was barely holding on.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the reviews, even if most of them were pretty unhappy with me. Just remember, guys, it could be worse - I could've killed one of them!

Beth woke up to the muffled sound of voices outside her door -- one female, another male; she recognized them immediately as her sister and Daryl. Silently, she crept towards them, pressing her ear against the wood to hear them better. 

"You can't just shake me off, Dixon!" Maggie hissed at him. "This has gotta be discussed, and I ain't letting up 'til it is."

"Just... keep it down, alright?" Daryl muttered. "Y'wanna wake her up and have her knowin' you've been stickin' your nose in her business?" 

Beth ground her teeth together, wanting to groan. She had specifically asked Maggie to butt out of it -- she should've known her sister better. Over the past couple of days, she had noticed the way Maggie's eyes would follow Daryl, glaring accusations, despite Beth's reassurance that it was not his fault. 

"You gotta do somethin'. Beth has been heartsick somethin' awful lately, and I'm tired of lookin' at it," Maggie said. 

Beth felt herself blush. _God, Maggie, why don't ya just tell him about the first time I got my period, too?_ Was there something about older siblings that made them predisposed to humiliating the younger siblings? There must be some science behind it -- some weird twist in the DNA. 

"I know ya think I hurt her or somethin', but she was the one who broke it off," Daryl said, clearly uncomfortable discussing it. "What ya propose I do? Hound her 'til she caves? Beg? I ain't that kind of man." 

"Daryl, she loves you," Maggie argued. 

"If she does, she ain't never said so," Daryl said. Beth could imagine his face heating up at the words, his eyes stuck to the floor. 

"I know Beth. I grew up with her. And I ain't too blind or too damn stupid to see it," Maggie insisted. "She looks at ya when ya aren't looking. And before... it ain't ever been like this with her. For her." 

"I get she's your sister," Daryl said back, "but ya don't know everythin' -- 'specially not 'bout her and me. Beth don't want me no more, that's all there is to it."

"Ya could fight for her," Maggie countered. 

There was a long silence. Beth felt as though her heart was about to explode. She had never been more embarrassed or more uncomfortable in her life. _I'm gonna kill you, Mags._ But still, part of her was dying to hear what Daryl would say, and she would stand here with her head pressed against the door until he answered, pinched nerve be damned. 

"Everythin' with her has been a fight," Daryl countered. "It ain't supposed to be so hard. I shouldn't have to convince her t'want to be with me. And ya shouldn't say nothin' to her 'bout her choices. She's grown up. Beth can tell me t'go t'hell. Ain't nothin' either of us can do 'bout it. Just gotta let her be."

"But --" 

"Don't ya want her to be happy?" Daryl cut her off. "I want Beth to be happy. She don't love me, Maggie. Can't force it. Shouldn't'a tried to." 

"She was happy with you," Maggie said softly. 

_I was, Daryl. I was happy with you. You were the only damn thing in the world I recognized. You brought me back, piece by piece -- enough to see it isn't fair what I'm doing. What I started. Why did I have to kiss you? Why did you have to want me to?_ Beth wiped away the silent tears that were falling from her face. 

"Naw," Daryl said. "Happy people don't leave." 

~

"I could kill ya, Maggie," Beth said the moment Daryl left with Glenn to check the property. 

"What?" 

"Don't you _What?_ me," Beth said, poking a finger at her sister. "I heard ya this morning!" 

"You did?" Maggie asked, looking guilty as sin. 

"Of course I did, stupid! Havin' a conversation 'bout me right outside my door ain't exactly prime pickins when it comes to location," Beth shot back. 

"He wouldn't let me catch him nowhere else," Maggie defended. "Won't take me huntin' anymore. The only place he stays is out in that hallway, sleepin' on the ground like some poor dog you kicked outta bed!" 

"That's his choice," Beth said. "He could take the couch. Hell, I could take the couch! It ain't like I never offered."

"You told me you loved him," Maggie said. "You said those words to me. What happened?" 

"Ain't none of your business!" Beth shouted. "And if it ain't too hard for ya, keep your big mouth shut about that!"

"I didn't tell him!" 

"Keep it that way, then," Beth said, raking her hands through her hair in frustration. 

"I can tell ya still love him," Maggie said. "I don't know why you're doing this. Are ya afraid? Cause of... everything? The walkers... and the baby... 'cause he'd understand, Beth, if ya just explained it to him. Anyone would understand if you're afraid. But Daryl... he's like Glenn. They aren't going nowhere. They're too damn stubborn." 

"Just leave it alone," Beth said. 

"You're gonna regret this, Beth," her sister said. "Love was rare before all this, and now it's damn near impossible. And you've got it. And you feel it. And you're throwing it away like it's nothing." 

"No," Beth argued. "No, I'm not. Sometimes people will do something ya can't understand, but you gotta trust them to know what's best, Maggie. I'm not a kid anymore. You gotta trust me." 

"I know I can't make your choices for you," Maggie said. "And I know I wasn't the biggest fan of Daryl, not at the beginning. But you two got somethin', and it's real. Anyone can see it. And whatever your reasons are, Bethy, it just ain't worth it."

Before Beth could say anything, her sister was striding off into the yard, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Out the window, she could see Daryl helping Glenn drag a dead walker off the outside of the property. He looked miserable and it tore her up inside. 

Suddenly, as though he could tell he was being watched, he looked up and into her eyes. Beth felt her heart freeze in her chest. She hadn't seen that expression in his eyes since the prison fell. She had wanted to tell Maggie that she knew what she had with Daryl was real, that it was love -- that she could only do it because she loved him -- that sacrifice was only possible through love. And maybe it wasn't right, but, Beth knew deep down in her bones, she wasn't wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys. It'll be alright. Wouldn't kill you to have some faith, right?

_"Daryl, stop, please!" Beth cried, hand clutched over her heart._

_"I ain't got time for this, girl," he responded gruffly. "I ain't got time for ya. Sick t'death of ya, honest."_

_He was at the door, opening it, and stepping out into the yard. Beth followed him, trying not to cry -- knowing weakness was not an option right now. She needed him to understand. She needed him to hear her. He just... had to hear her._

_"I tried, Daryl!" she shouted. "I tried like hell to get back to you. To stay with you. To be with you!"_

_"Naw," he replied. "Y'been runnin' yer whole damn life! Was crazy to think I could love ya! You're weak, Beth. Y'ain't gonna make it."_

_"You're wrong," Beth said with a sharp breath. "You're dead wrong, Daryl Dixon!"_

_"Am I?" he demanded, spinning around to face her. "Ya drag yerself 'round here like yer already dead! Hear ya cryin' every night. Watcha gonna do for that baby, girl? Ya ain't gonna be able to protect it! To love it!"_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Can't even love me! Can't even say them words. Don't even say 'em to yer sister no more! You're broken, Beth. Ain't no fixin' it. Ain't no hope!" he yelled at her. "Ain't no God damn point in stickin' with ya when I could be out there -- out lookin' for my people! People who wanna survive. Who wanna actually live instead of hide!"_  
  
 _"Stop," Beth begged, tears falling steadily from her eyes. "Stop it, Daryl."_

_He stepped forward, crowding her until she was against the side of the house. Daryl's hands were on either side of her face, trapping her. Beth looked up into his angry face -- cheeks red, eyes dark -- veins pulsing in his neck. There was no where to go._

_"Waste of m'damn time," he hissed at her, hitting his fist into the house. "Waste of space. Y'were right. When I look at ya, all I see is another dead girl, and I ain't stickin' around to watch it go down. But when you said I'd miss ya, y'were wrong. Ain't gonna miss a damn thing 'bout ya, Beth Greene."_

_He spun away from her, turning to grab his crossbow. Beth noticed his pack just before he grabbed it, shouldering the weight with ease, and starting towards the road. She felt frozen. She wanted to run after him, but couldn't. All she could do was shout._

_"Daryl! Don't go! Don't leave me! Daryl, please. Come back. Daryl, come back!"_

~

"Beth, wake up," a voice said pulling her out of her nightmare. "Come on, girl, y'gotta wake up." 

Her eyes shot open suddenly. The room was cast in darkness, no light coming in from the windows or hallway. She scrambled to sit up, hands clawing at the bed sheets. Daryl was sitting at her side, looking at her with a concerned expression. 

"You didn't go," Beth breathed out. "You're still here." 

"Where else would I be?" he asked. "I told ya I ain't goin' no where." 

"I know," Beth said, rubbing her hands down her face, trying to wake up. She could feel the wetness on her cheeks and knew she must've been crying. "Did I wake you up?"

"Wasn't sleepin' yet," he said easily. "Heard ya shoutin' for me. Thought somethin' was wrong." 

"Just a dream," Beth muttered, still feeling disoriented. 

"It was 'bout me?" Daryl asked. 

"Guess there ain't no point in lying about it since you heard me, right?" Beth asked, bringing her gaze up to his. 

"Mhm," he agreed. "What happened?" 

"You left," she said looking down at her lap.

Daryl's hand grabbed hers so suddenly it stole her breath. His hands were warm -- always warm. He ran a calloused thumb over her knuckles, trying to comfort her. _God, I missed this. Missed him._ Beth looked at him, feeling like crying all over again. 

"I ain't going no where. Not now. Not ever. No matter how ya feel 'bout me," he promised. "I don't want ya worryin' 'bout it." 

"We'll be leaving soon enough anyways," she said, rubbing the slight bulge of her stomach. "There'll be other people there. You won't need to look after me." 

"I don't need to look after ya now, Beth," he said. "Ya got enough brains to look after yerself."

"But you still look out for me," she insisted. 

"I like to," he said softly. "Ain't obligation." 

Beth didn't know what to say to that. He had always been good to her. Even when he was shouting at her, running her ragged -- it was all to keep her safe. She wished she had known as much then. Beth could remember how she used to curse him in her head, thinking he was no fun, just a mean old grump. Well, she hadn't seen him that way in a long time now. And she never would again. Daryl stood up, making to leave. 

"Will you...?" she asked, unable to finish the thought. It was too selfish, but she couldn't find it in her to care. She thought he had been leaving. That she had lost him. Again. She couldn't be alone tonight. She couldn't stomach it. "Please." 

"Alright, girl," he said. 

Daryl moved silently to the other side of the bed. His shoes had already been kicked off when he came in so he was able to slide under the blankets right away. Beth turned onto her side to watch him stare at the ceiling, looking uncomfortable and miserable all at once. 

"I'm sorry," Beth said softly, "about everything. I know no one understands what I'm doing, but I gotta do it, even though most of me don't really want to --" 

"Beth, just go to sleep," Daryl said. "There ain't nothin' to be sorry for. Y'didn't love me. Don't know what I was expectin'." 

"That ain't true!" Beth exclaimed before she was able to help herself. His tone had went straight through her heart, shattering what was left of it. 

"What?" Daryl responded, sitting up on one elbow to look into her face. "It ain't? Y'loved... me?" 

"It was... just... it wouldn't have been... it wouldn't have been enough for you." 

"That ain't your damn choice to make!" Daryl exclaimed. "I thought... I thought ya weren't happy with me. But you were, weren't ya?" 

Beth avoided his gaze, looking around the dark room. She felt as though her heart was about to thunder straight out of her chest. _Just breathe, Beth,_ she told herself, _just keep breathing..._

"Would ya look at me, girl?" Daryl said gruffly, grabbing her chin and forcing her eyes to meet his. "Y'were happy with me, weren't ya? Y'were happy and that's what scared ya, ain't it?" 

"Daryl --" 

"I told yer sister I wasn't gonna fight for ya because I wanted ya t'be happy. But... ya were. With me. Ya loved me."

"I didn't say that," Beth protested weakly. 

"Ya didn't have to," Daryl said. "God, Beth, ya had me all torn up thinkin'... thinkin' I wasn't nothin' t'ya, that I took advantage of ya when ya needed a friend..."

"No! You didn't," Beth said, needing him to know that. "You didn't take advantage of me, Daryl." 

He nodded, showing he had heard her. For what felt like years they stared at one another -- for what felt like centuries. Blue on blue. Daryl looked every inch like a man who had been stranded on an island seeing a rescue ship. _I can't save ya, Daryl,_ Beth thought, _cant even save myself._

"This ain't over," he said, brushing her hair back from her face. "You 'n me, this ain't over."


	13. Chapter 13

"Daryl," Beth said gently, capturing his hands in her own. "Daryl, I --" 

"Let yerself be happy, girl," he told her. "Y'were always after me t'have hope -- _wouldn't kill me_. Y'were right. It was what kept me goin'." 

"It's not that simple," Beth said, wishing for all the world she could explain it to him, to anyone, in a way that would make the least bit of sense. 

"It is," Daryl said, breaking free of her hold to cup her cheek. "Y'just gotta be brave, Beth -- and you're the bravest person I know."

Beth couldn't think of anything to say. When he spoke to her like that, straight from his heart, things tended to get hazy. She blinked her blue eyes up at him, willing words to form, and failing. Beth wondered if this is what Daryl felt like most of the time -- trapped inside of his own head, thoughts racing.

He leaned forward to kiss her, and Beth didn't stop him. Couldn't stop him. Wanted Daryl in ways that warred with her fear and often came out on top. He was slow, touching nothing but her face, lips sliding over lips; tasting, tempting, trying -- convincing.   
"I love ya, girl," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. "Let me love ya." 

Beth's hands were shaking; she tried to stop them by clenching her fingers into fists, but she could still feel it. Like standing on the edge of a cliff. Her belly flipped. Her heart was racing. Daryl ran a gentle finger over her cheekbone waiting for her to answer him, and all she could do was nod. _Yes_ , she thought, _anything. Just don't go. Don't stop._

Beth scooted forward so they were pressed against one another. The action surprised him so much she felt his gasp when she kissed him. Beth tried to show him without words what she wanted -- with her body, with her touch. She let her tongue slide into his mouth, making him groan, and this time when she felt his erection digging into her hip, heat flooded her. 

"Beth, what're y'doin'?" he mumbled as she dragged her lips up his neck, pushing his vest off. "Beth?"

"I just gotta be brave," Beth said back to him. 

"Shit, girl!" Daryl said, putting space between them. "That ain't what I meant!" 

"I know," she said, chasing after him until they were flush again. "But y'were right. And I want this. I want ya. I want the good memories."

"Let me," Daryl began, kissing her cheek, "just," then her nose, "take," then her lips softly, "care of ya tonight." 

"W-what do ya mean?" Beth asked, suddenly feeling anxious and out of control. 

"You'll like it," Daryl said, running the blunt of his teeth over her jaw, "I promise. And I'll stop if ya don't. Just let me show ya tonight. What it could be like. You and me." 

"What about you?" 

"It's about you tonight, Beth," he said, then bent his head to suck just under his ear, then stopped, " -- actually, it's 'bout ya always, but 'specially tonight." 

Beth let him turn her onto her back. Daryl's hands were roaming as he kissed her, stealing touches here and there -- her shoulders, the curve of her breasts, just underneath her shirt. He tugged gently on it, looking into her eyes for permission, and Beth wiggled around to help him pull the garment off. 

Suddenly his large hands were cupping her sensitive breasts. Beth sighed, relaxing into the touch, refusing to be anywhere but in the moment. His thumb circled her hard nipple, making her clench her legs together against a flood of wetness. He continued his fondling and somewhere between her begging _please_ and tugging on his hair, he had removed the bra completely and replaced his fingers with his mouth. 

"Oh my God," Beth moaned, squirming, "Daryl... that's... oh..." 

"Y're beautiful," he whispered against her skin reverently. "Most beautiful girl there ever was." 

Daryl's hand was on the outside of her thigh, rubbing up and down, grabbing with rough fingertips. He kissed down her stomach, fingers playing with the hem of Beth's pajama pants. She wanted him to touch her _there_. Beth _wanted_. She had never felt so free -- or so fucking turned on. Nothing existed outside of his hands getting closer and closer to her pussy. 

"Can I...?" Daryl asked in a thick voice, head gesturing to her pants. 

"Yeah," Beth said in a voice that sounded nothing like her own -- high and needy -- like he had been teasing her for hours instead of minutes. 

Daryl pulled her pants off. Beth thanked God she was wearing her plain white panties instead of the ones with the unicorns -- she had grabbed them in a moment of weakness, missing her horse. Daryl, who was already between her thighs, rubbed the flat of his thumb up her sex, making Beth's eyes roll back in her head. 

"You're so wet fer me," he said, accent getting heavier. "You're so good, Beth."

He repeated the motion a few more times until Beth was pleading with him again. _Daryl, please. Now. That's not... not enough. Daryl, come on._ He liked torturing her -- stringing her out until her pupils were blown with passion. He pulled them off at her command: _Just fucking touch me_. 

"Y'got a mouth on ya," he said, swirling his fingers on the wetness that had gathered on her panties. "Now I'm gonna get my mouth on ya, too." 

Daryl bent down to kiss the top of her pussy, lingering there, waiting for any protests. But Beth didn't have any in her. She felt like she was on fire. Like her bones were liquid, and when Daryl's tongue finally circled her clit, Beth felt like he lit her up better than the moonshine. 

"Oh my..." she panted, "no one... ever..." 

Daryl looked up suddenly, licking the wetness off his bottom lip. Beth felt her face flush more, if that was even possible. 

"No one ever done this to you?"

"N-no," Beth said, feeling her thighs shake in an embarrassing fashion, "you're my first."

Daryl smirked, rubbing this thumb against her in the spot where she needed it the most. He teased her for a few more seconds before he brought his mouth back down to her in a deliberate fashion. Beth couldn't describe it -- velvet heat, smooth, somehow hard. She whimpered as he inched a finger into her, crooking it up against her walls, tongue still working her clit. 

"Y-yes," she said, hands lost in his hair. "So good, Daryl."

He didn't stop until Beth came. Until she was mewling and writhing underneath him, tears gathering in her eyes. She felt every clench around his fingers, every pulse. The pleasure was overwhelming and like nothing she had ever known. God, where did he learn to do that? And could he do it always? 

"I love ya," Beth said, voice thick with sex. 

"Y're just sayin' that cause I ate ya out." 

"Naw," Beth laughed, "but it helps." 

"You love me?" Daryl asked, his eyes flickering up to look into hers. 

"I love ya," Beth said, cupping his cheek just like Daryl had with hers. "And I'm sorry I ever made ya doubt it."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all for your reviews & continued support for this story. Also, if any of you are interested, I currently am working on another fic called "Though She Were Dead" (which is both here on and over on FF.net). Hope to hear from you all!

The sisters were in the kitchen together, sitting at the table. Glenn and Daryl had been outside for an hour or two now, first clearing the yard, and then into the wilderness off the property to hunt. It was a long, lazy afternoon, with nothing much to keep them entertained. Beth looked out the window, daydreaming about the night before. _Maybe this can work_ , she thought to herself. _If I can just stop myself from messin' it up again, maybe it could work..._

"Back together, huh?" Maggie asked, breaking the silence. "I saw you two kissin' goodbye."

"We worked it out, yeah," she replied, and then turned a shrewd eye on her, "no thanks to your meddlin' though, so don't get a big head."

"Was only trying to help," Maggie said.

"I know," Beth said, palming her hand over her baby-bump, which seemed to be growing every day. 

"You're getting big," Maggie said, as if reading her mind. 

"What every girl wants to hear, Mags," Beth groused. 

"It's good," Maggie said with a laugh. "I mean, count yourself lucky you didn't get knocked up by some moron who doesn't know his ass from his elbow when it comes to hunting."

Beth tried to hide her flinch at the words but was sure she failed. She stood, not wanting to look her sister in the eye, and took their glasses to the sink. Daryl would often bring in buckets of water for washing, and she had been rationing what was left of the soap; they could stand to do another load.

"It just just a joke, Bethy," Maggie said. "I know this isn't the ideal situation. But you coulda done worse. A lot worse, from the way I've seen him takin' care of you -- and the baby." 

"I know," Beth said, throwing her sister an apologetic smile, trying not to think about Before. _Daryl is the father. I am the mother. This baby will be good. It can work._ "Guess the hormones are kickin' in, huh?" 

Her sister laughed but didn't say anything. Beth began stacking the dishes together on the counter, then the bowls -- she liked everything sorted. It calmed her down. Reminded her of back home, helping her mother with washing duty. Things were so much simpler then -- even the dish-cloth in her memory seemed so much softer and cleaner. 

Beth shook her head, trying not to think about it. The past few years were a field filled with landmines; she couldn't risk stepping foot in it. And before that, at the prison, it had been better, but still -- was it any life for a child to be born into? Sympathy for Lori filled Beth. She never imagined she'd have a life growing inside her -- not while fighting for her own every second. 

But then again, would Maggie have ever found Glenn? Or Beth -- would her and Daryl's paths ever crossed? She wondered about him -- his life before. Where would he have been by now? Following Merle around, stirring up trouble? Would they still even be alive by now or would their luck have run out? Beth blew a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes. There was no way to know. 

Maybe it was fate. That's what she would've thought before. Before Mark, or Jared, or Tommy. Nothing would've stopped her from believing it -- after all, _everything happens for a reason_ was scribbled in her old journal so many times it had lost meaning. 

Now though... 

Maybe it wasn't anything quite as romantic or fanciful as that. Maybe it wasn't destiny. Instead, perhaps, it was only rebuilding; erecting happiness and love from the ash of her old ideals. Maybe it was about choice. Fate didn't bring her and Daryl together, but circumstance, and in the face of that circumstance, they chose each other. 

And maybe that meant a hell of a lot more.

It certainly felt that way. 

~

"They're back!" Maggie hollered from outside. 

After Beth had settled with a book, her sister had declared she was no fun, and was going to go sit outside. _I'm gonna go look at the clouds or somethin'. Anything is more interesting than watchin' you read._ Beth had been enjoying the solitude, able to turn her brain off for exactly 102 pages of Wuthering Heights, but still, she was more than happy to put the novel aside for greet the boys. 

She walked out into the yard, eyes squinting against the sun. She cupped her hand over them to see better. Daryl and Glenn were carrying some dead squirrels and what looked to be a rabbit, but she wasn't sure from this distance. Glenn was talking animatedly, and Daryl was nodding, looking straight ahead at her. 

Maggie and herself ambled along to meet them. As they got closer they could hear that Glenn was talking about a wolf. Daryl smirked at Beth in way of greeting and she fell into step beside him, glad he was alright. _Not bleeding, not shot, not bit, or bucked by a horse. Been a good day._

"I'm telling you, Maggie, we saw a wolf!" Glenn insisted. 

"It wasn't no wolf," Daryl huffed.

"In these parts?" Maggie asked Glenn, ignoring Daryl completely. 

"That's what I thought!" Glenn said. "Nearly gave me a heart attack. Was just standing there, staring at me." 

"And where were you?" Beth asked Daryl. 

"Checkin' the traps," Daryl said. "Not pretendin' I was on the way to Grandama's house." 

Beth laughed. It always startled her a little to hear Daryl talking about fairytales. She knew he hadn't grown up in a house where they were plentiful, and he hadn't had any sisters -- nonetheless a few references snuck through; must've been the years when he was too young to duck out of school. 

"Then what do you think it was?" Maggie asked Daryl, rubbing her hand down Glenn's back. 

"A dog," Daryl said.

"I know what a dog is, Daryl," Glenn muttered. "Besides, it was huge." 

"Maybe it was a huge dog," Beth said.

"Yeah," Daryl agreed. 

"What's important is that whatever it was didn't have any interest in you, or following the pair of you back here," Beth said diplomatically. She turned to Daryl, slipping her finger into the belt loop at his side. "I'm glad you're home."

"Home, huh?" he asked, looking at the house. 

"Yeah," Beth said, staring at the big window she usually looked out from, waiting patiently for him to return. "Sounds about right, doesn't it?"


	15. Chapter 15

A journal; small, with a black leather cover. Something forgettable, something innocuous. Beth's words laid inside like an invitation to her deepest wounds -- scrawled and then tossed aside. The book didn't move from the nightstand on the side of the bed. Not for months. It became a fixture of Beth's life, like the lamp that no longer provided any light. 

She had been careless. Wanting to avoid any reminder of what had happened, she had pushed the journal aside more easily than her thoughts. Daryl hadn't tried to convince her to write in it again. The night Beth had found out she was pregnant she had picked it up -- but to write what? She stared at the pages, unable to believe this was her life. The moment it was set down harshly, the journal was never touched again. 

Maggie's eyes were brimming with tears and heat. The two Greene girls were faced off in the living room, one on each side, a table between the pair. The journal was clenched in Maggie's fist so hard Beth was sure it would leave little half-moons from her sister's nails. _Too bad, it was such a nice cover_ , she thought wildly, unable to focus. 

"You want me to read it again?" Maggie demanded. 

"No," Beth said. "Twice was plenty."

"It's in your handwriting, Beth!" she shouted. "And you're standing there, not saying a damn word. What the hell happened to you?"

"So, you went snoopin' and didn't like what you found -- or didn't understand it, at the very least. And now what? You want me to clarify it for you?" Beth said coldly, unable to fight the anger that boiled in her blood. "Get real, Maggie. Give the diary back." 

"So, you admit it's yours?" the brunette huffed; her breathing was coming hard, and Beth wasn't sure if it was anger or panic. 

"I never denied it was," Beth said, trying to sound indifferent. "All I said was _that ain't yours_." 

"And then I asked you if it was yours, because I knew it was yours, and you didn't say anything. So you let me read it out loud twice --"

"Yeah, 'cause choice was involved in that decision," Beth scoffed. 

"I'm not letting up 'til you tell me what the hell is going on," Maggie said, red staining her cheeks. "It's pretty damn obvious you and your boyfriend have been leavin' out some key details here. I'm your sister. I have a right to know what's happened!" 

"You do not!" Beth shouted, unable to stop herself. "The journal wasn't yours to read just 'cause we're related. What happened to me is not yours to know just 'cause we're sisters. That isn't how life works, Maggie. You can stand there all day and read the damn thing 'til you know it by heart, but you can't make me do a damn thing!" 

"Bethy, I didn't mean to read it. I thought it was some old book or something!" Maggie argued. "They all look the same here. I wasn't paying attention. You had it on the table beside the bed. I assumed you were reading it!" 

"Cause books don't usually have titles," Beth said in disbelief. "You can try to spin it any way you want, but this is so ninth-grade-wanting-to-know-what-Jimmy-and-I were-up-to all over again!" 

"Would you let that go?" her sister shouted. "My God! I swear, I'll never live to hear the end of it!" 

"Well, maybe if you weren't such a damn busybody, I wouldn't have nothin' to say 'bout the subject," Beth said, hands on her hips, "but, surprise, here we are again! Now you give me the book back before I'm forced to take it from ya -- and let me remind you I'm carryin' life inside of me, so you can't try nothin' funny!" 

Maggie threw the journal at Beth's feet. It knocked her in the ankle, but in her anger, she barely felt it. The brunette was just about to open her mouth, ready to fight some more, when the door slammed open, Glenn and Daryl barreling inside with weapons raised. 

"Well, they ain't bein' attacked," Daryl drawled, looking between the two girls who had obviously been in a spat just seconds before. "Less you count 'em goin' at each other." 

"What the hell, you guys?" Glenn demanded. "We could hear you screaming outside. What's going on?" 

"Why don't you ask her?" Maggie said, eyes not moving off Beth. 

"Beth?" asked Daryl, moving to stand beside her. 

"Maggie stuck her big fat nose in my diary," Beth ground out between her teeth. 

Beth felt Daryl flinch, then reach down fluidly and pick the offending journal up off the floor, sticking it in his back pocket. She could feel his eyes on her. Questioning. _What did you tell her?_ Beth shook her head, hoping he would get the message. 

"And it was a hell of a read," Maggie said.

"What do you mean?" Glenn asked Maggie. 

"Somethin' bad happened, Glenn," she answered him, "to Beth. Somethin' real bad."

"What?" Glenn demanded, eyes snapping over to Beth. "What happened? Are you okay? What happened?" 

"She's fine," Daryl said, voice leaving no room for argument. "Ain't a damn thing wrong with her."

"When she was on her own," Maggie said, moving to stand next to her boyfriend. "She won't tell me, but I read... enough. I read enough to know. I know, Beth." 

"You don't know a damn thing," Beth said stubbornly. "Y'read a paragraph! I was on my own for two years! You think you know anything?" 

"I know enough!" Maggie demanded. "Between that and you -- how you are now! I'm your sister! You thought I wouldn't notice you were different? You thought I hadn't already wondered?!" 

"I'm so lost," Glenn said. "What happened, Beth? You can talk to us. Maggie is just upset. She loves you. I mean, you're family, we all --" 

"Stay out of it," Daryl said in a low voice. "Beth don't wanna talk about it. She's pregnant. Y'all are upsettin' her. She ain't in any condition to be attacked right now by all yer questions." 

"Then how 'bout you do the talking?" Maggie shot at him. "Because it's become pretty damn apparent you know more about her than I do now!" 

"It wasn't yours," Daryl said firmly. "The journal -- wasn't yours to read. And Beth -- she don't owe you an explanation just 'cause you're blood. She don't belong to you, or me. She's her own woman. She can choose."

"Who are they?" Maggie asked, ignoring Daryl completely, eyes focused on her sister. "Those men? Jared and Tommy. And M. Who is M., Beth? What did they do to you?"

"Stop it!" Daryl shouted at her. "Ya ain't got no damn right talkin' to her like that. Yer gonna make her sick! Don't ya care at all that she's about as pale as a bedsheet?"

"Of course I care!" Maggie shouted. 

"Then shut your fucking mouth for a minute!" Daryl directed at her. Then in a much softer tone he turned to Beth and said, "Maybe ya oughta go lay down, girl?" 

"Yeah," Beth said, unable to think of anything else. She was grateful for him -- for providing an out -- no matter how brief it may be. She began to walk away and then stopped, turning to him. "I think you need to burn the journal. I know you found it for me, and I'll always love it, but I think... I think it needs to go." 

"Whatever y'want," Daryl promised. 

"And don't --" Beth began to ask him not to say anything but he cut her off. 

"I wouldn't," he said. "Y'know that. Don't worry, huh? Just go try to relax. Read more of that book. Y'were likin' that one."

"Yeah," she said and turned to climb the stairs. 

Once she reached the room she shut the door softly. Still, she could hear her sister's strained voice and Daryl's low, unyielding response. Their murmurs. Shouts. And always Glenn, on the edge of it, asking _What?_ Beth tried to rub away the headache building between her eyes to no avail. She rolled over, protectively palming her stomach.

"Went through a lotta trouble for you," she said to the unborn child. "Guess ya must be special or somethin'."

And suddenly, as light and as brief as a butterfly landing on her skin in summer, she felt a flutter underneath her hand that let her know, very much, that she was no longer alone.


	16. Chapter 16

Beth was still curled up on her side when Daryl came in, hand on her stomach, heart in her throat. She didn't know how long it had been -- hadn't really thought to keep track. The voices had washed over her, loud sometimes, quiet others, but none of it seemed to matter. The baby -- _her_ baby; everything narrowed down to the tiny heartbeat she wouldn't get to hear until after she had given birth. 

"Hey," Daryl said quietly, shutting the door behind him. 

"The baby moved," she said, giving him a watery smile. "It stopped though, a while ago, but it moved, Daryl. I felt it." 

"How 'bout that?" he mused, sitting down next to her on the bed. "Sorry I missed it." 

"Me too," she said. "And I'm sorry about the family drama -- leaving you to deal with it, I mean. What did you tell Maggie?" 

"Nothin', y'know that," he said, resting his hand on her stomach. When there was no movement, Daryl frowned slightly.

"She's not going to let it go," Beth said, referring to her sister. 

"Probably not," Daryl confirmed. 

"Do you think I should tell her?" Beth asked, looking at him for guidance. 

"Ain't really my place to say," he responded. "Do y'want to tell her?" 

"No," Beth said softly. "It's not something I'll ever want to tell anyone. And I know any self-help book would tell me that I need to talk about it, and find support in my family or friends, but I just..." 

Beth trailed off, feeling tears build in the back of her eyes. _Damn, hormones. I'm not going to cry again. I'm not._ She blinked slowly and then turned her gaze to the window. She had pinned the sheet up so she could look out into the world. From this far away, with no crumbling buildings or wreckage, Beth could almost convince herself the world hadn't changed.

"Wish I had better advice for ya," he said softly. "When... with my Dad... when people tried to talk to me 'bout it... I wanted to be anywhere else, and I wanted to be there fast. I dont know, girl, sometimes I think the past -- my past -- it's still all balled up inside of me -- and that maybe healin' or lettin' go is bullshit. But, maybe it isn't..." 

"Maybe not," Beth said, capturing his other hand, which still rested on her stomach. She linked their fingers together and squeezed. "You're a good man though, whether or not you heal, or let go, or whatever." 

"And you're a good woman," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "A damn good woman."

~

When Beth had woken up the next day, Maggie and Daryl had already left to go hunting. She wasn't sure if it was Maggie's idea or Daryl's, but they were gone either way. She had caught glimpses of Glenn throughout the day -- cleaning up, reading, sorting their supplies -- but they said little to each other. Beth didn't mind the silence for once. 

She was sitting outside on one of the lawn chairs, sun beating down on her face. It felt good. The wind was cool enough that she wasn't sweating, or uncomfortable. Beth's eyes were closed and she was close to falling asleep when she heard Glenn come out to join her. 

"She's sorry, you know," he said easily. "About last night." 

"She's my older sister, Glenn -- she's never not been a part of my life. I know she's sorry. Heck, I knew she was sorry when she was shouting at me. She just gets so worked up when someone she love gets... when she feels responsible." 

"You're all that she's got left from her life before -- of her family -- and maybe it's not true, but she feels like she failed you, Beth. That she lost you at the prison, and then we didn't find you soon enough..." Glenn trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We both wish we had found you sooner." 

"Things happened," Beth said. "I'm trying to find a way to want to talk about them, but I don't know how long it will take. If I'll ever get there."

"I know," Glenn said quietly. "But you have Daryl, right? You can talk to him -- you seem to be able to talk to him." 

"Yeah," Beth said, tone soft. "I have Daryl." 

~

Beth finally got up the courage to sit next to her sister after everyone had eaten. Glenn had pulled Daryl inside, wanting to give the sisters a chance to talk, but he didn't move until he saw Beth's nod. The fire was dying down, casting a low light over the lawn. 

"I'm sorry, Beth," Maggie said, taking her sister's hand in her own. "I was so far out of line." 

"You just wanted to protect me," Beth allowed. She looked into her sister's face, seeing the earnestness there. "We were apart for a long time after the prison fell -- longer than we've ever been -- but I haven't forgotten how you can get." 

"And I haven't forgotten how you can get," Maggie said, "I knew better than to come at you like that -- that you'd just dig your heels in and we'd get into a big blow out."

"I'm trying, Maggie," Beth said. "I'm trying to deal with my life the best that I can. Trying to deal with the bad stuff the best that I can, and with the baby the best that I can. I know I mess it up a lot, but I'm trying. That has to be worth somethin'." 

"That's everything, Bethy," Maggie said, hugging Beth tightly. "Just... I don't want you to feel like you have to carry this all on your own. I'm here to help, and so is Glenn, and it's pretty damn obvious Daryl would do anythin' for you if you just asked him to."

"You think I could get him to track down another deer, by sheer force of will?" Beth asked, trying to lighten the mood, "cause I'm getting sick of squirrel."

Maggie laughed.


	17. Chapter 17

_Beth's kissing Daryl underneath a tree that's just about to blossom. His mouth is slow, and easy, and soft. There is no danger, no rush -- everything is beautiful. The long grass rolls on for miles, undulating in the wind like ocean waves, and it reminds her of home -- not as a place that's gone, but as a feeling, sure and warm. She sighs against his mouth._

_"This has to be heaven," she laughs._

_"I ain't complainin'," Daryl responds, running his hand through her loose, clean hair. "Though, I'm pretty sure we ain't dead, girl."_

_"How did we get here?" she asks, looking out into the distance._

_The sky is bright and blue, with puffy white clouds. There are flowers she hadn't noticed before. Irises dot the field in playful dabs of purple. Beth leans against the tree, pulling Daryl in front of her and looks into his eyes. He looks happy, younger somehow._

_"Ya wished it, I guess," Daryl said with an indifferent shrug._

_"Wasted wish," Beth says easily. He kisses her jaw, trailing his lips down her neck. "... then again, maybe not."_

_"Would ya keep quiet?" he says, smiling against her skin. "I'm tryin' to do some of my best work here, girl."_

_"Oh, my apologies, Mr. Dixon."_

_He huffs out an unimpressed laugh while his hand snakes under he shirt, tracing the skin of her flat belly. Beth can feel his calloused fingertips track her ribs like wheels that were made to fit them. They coalesce so effortlessly; coming together, falling apart. He's cupping her breast now, teasing the hard nipple, and Beth lets her eyelashes flutter closed on a moan._

_"You make me feel..." she starts whispering, trying to form a full thought. He's biting at the spot just under her ear, sucking the skin until she's sure it's left a mark. "You make me feel... like... ohhh..."_

_"I make you feel like what?" he asks, his other hand toying with the button on her jeans._

_"New," she sighs, melting into his body, bones unwilling to be anything so solid as to hold her up. "You make me feel... brand new. Like... none of it ever happened."_

_"None of what?" he asks, confusion written plainly on his face._

_"I can't..." Beth blinks, thinking. She concentrates harder, but nothing comes. "I can't remember. I think something bad happened, Daryl..."_

_"I'd never let anything bad happen to ya, girl," he says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Y'know that, right?"_

_He kisses her before she can answer. There are confused words building up in her throat, but she chokes them down, trying desperately to hold onto this moment. The ease that was only a few seconds ago. The blank slate of her brain that knew nothing more than this tree, and this field, and this man -- but somehow the beauty has dimmed, like a light, and it's all getting darker and colder and in the back of her mind, Beth swears she can hear a baby crying..._

~

Beth sat up in the bed, sweating cold and strange, hand on her stomach. She looked over to find Daryl asleep beside her, undisturbed by her waking -- for once. Usually when she was wrenched out of dreams she was screaming, or crying, but this... this hadn't been a nightmare. Not really. Only... sad. Something impossible that made her ache with want. Happiness. The kind that wasn't really possible anymore. Not with everything that had happened, or the way the world had turned sour so quickly. 

Beth felt the baby move, at least, she thought she did. She hummed quietly, but she wasn't sure if it was more for the baby or herself; either way, she filled the room with an old lullaby, soft and clear, just like her mother had used to do for her. Daryl stirred a little, burrowing his face slightly behind her back, his head making its way onto Beth's pillow. 

"What's it going to be like for us, huh?" she asked her child, voice barely loud enough to disturb the silence. "The two of us -- well, three of us -- you think I'm doing the right thing?" 

Of course, there was no answer, save for a kick against the flat palm of her hand. She tried to have a little faith, take it as a sign -- take it as a yes -- but she still couldn't quiet her thoughts. Her mind kept racing, revealing one horrible possibility after the next until she felt like crying. Instead Beth got up, careful not to wake Daryl, and grabbed her book and a candle. Beth lit the candle easily and began picking up where she had left off on Wuthering Heights. 

She wasn't sure how long had passed when Daryl woke up. Beth wasn't even aware of it at first. She was so focused on the book, willing herself to be so completely absorbed in it that nothing else would exist -- even if it was just for a minute. It wasn't until she felt him moving, resting his hand above hers on her belly, that she looked down at him, mustering a smile. 

"What's wrong?" he asked her, worry creasing his forehead. 

"Nothing," she said. "I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep."

"Was it a bad dream?" Daryl asked, searching her face for the truth. 

"No," Beth said. "It was actually... it was a really beautiful dream, while it lasted." 

"Y'should read to us," Daryl said, after a moment of silence stretched just shy of awkward. "If you're gonna be readin' anyway. It's good for the baby -- I heard that, I think." 

"Okay," Beth said picking the book back up, glad that he wasn't going to press her.

Daryl shifted around in the bed, trying to get comfortable. She waited until he nodded at her, signalling for her to start. Beth cleared her throat as she found her page. 

" _We've braved its ghosts often together, and dared each other to stand among the graves and ask them to come. But, Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I'll keep you. I'll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won't rest till you are with me. I never will!_ " Beth recited, trying to fight the prickle of tears behind her eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but it's an epilogue of sorts. What I'm hoping to be the last installment should start in the next couple of days, provided life doesn't get in the way. Thank you all for your support of this hot mess of a story.

Beth fidgeted in her seat. Her sister had on her _I'm-older-than-you-so-you-should-listen-to-me face_ \-- the same one Maggie had used when she informed Beth that she couldn't always be sugar and spice, that she would have to stand up for herself. Of course, she had only been twelve then, but she figured some lessons took your whole life to learn -- even when you got old and tired and beaten down by the world.

"Glenn and I have talked about it, and we think it makes sense for us to go and try to find Rick now," Maggie said to her. 

Beth felt Daryl shift. He was standing behind her while she was sat in the kitchen chair. He rested a comforting hand on her delicate shoulder, spanning it's length easily. 

"You don't have to go yet," Beth protested. "We've still got time. Like, another three months, at least. That's plenty." 

"Listen, Bethy, I don't want to go," her sister told her. "But if there's a chance that Rick might have Carol with him... she knows more about this than I do. She'd be calmer than I would."

"She researched it... very thoroughly... at the prison, when Lori was pregnant with Judith," Glenn said haltingly. Beth wanted to press him, ask him what he had stumbled over saying, but Maggie jumped back in seamlessly. _Damn married people._

"We had to go sometime. That was the plan," Maggie said, crouching down in front of the blonde, taking her hands. 

"I know," Beth said, sniffling, willing the tears not to fall. "I just... don't want you guys to." 

"It's necessary," Daryl spoke finally, his voice gruff. "Glenn and I did a run into town yesterday, while y'were asleep. Got 'em both full packs, even found a few better guns."

"Daryl Dixon!" Beth admonished. "You can't just be taking off without telling me! What if something had happened? You're gonna be a Daddy now. Can't have any of your self-sacrificing crap anymore!" 

"I know," Daryl said. "That's why I'm staying with you."

"You're staying with me to protect me," Beth snorted. 

"Well, that too," smiled Maggie, rising back to her full height. 

Beth stood up to hug her sister tightly, then Glenn. Her family. She tried not to worry about them -- knew Daryl would not send them out without the best of everything. They had food, and water, and everything else they'd need. Beth was sure of it. But still, you couldn't account for what you'd find out there, in the world, anymore. 

"You guys be safe," Beth said. "And you be cautious. Don't risk anything, y'hear me?" 

"You too," Maggie said, brushing Beth's hair back from her wet face. "You better be here when I get back." 

"What?" Beth asked. "We aren't going anywhere Maggie. Look at me." 

"You have a tendency to disappear," Maggie responded, darkness filling her eyes. 

"I have a tendency to survive," Beth corrected, turning her head to look at Daryl, who was smiling softly at her. "We're gonna be just fine, Mags. All of us. I believe it."

~

"Did you mean it?" Daryl asked later that night, Beth curled up against his side, the house gone quiet again. 

"Did I mean what?" 

"That we're all gonna be just fine -- that you believe it?" he asked her again. 

Instead of answering, Beth rose up on her elbow and settled her lips against his. Daryl kissed her back gently, slowly, hands pulling her closer to him, even though it felt impossible. She didn't have the words to explain the hope and despair warring in her heart, or how, in the moment she had seen him smile at her, like he had never be prouder or more in love, she had taken the leap to belief without thought or purpose. Yes, Beth believed. Her heart was opening, like a flower in spring, drinking in the sun. 

After all, it hadn't killed her have faith before -- it only almost had.


End file.
